You know when your flight is clearly delayed—like the plane’s not even there—but the airline isn’t updating anything? Or when you were supposed to be coming in for a landing but you can feel the plane is circling the airport and the pilot hasn’t said a word? You’re told the plane is waiting on an inbound flight crew, that they’re doing everything they can to speed things up and then you see the crew mosey on up an hour later, holding Starbucks, which they clearly just stopped at.
It’s frustrating. So frustrating. The same goes for when you’re dealing with your insurance company or with a defective product and the solution is obvious but the representative won’t do it. They’re just saying the same thing to you over and over again like it addresses your concern. What do you mean it’s policy? What is that supposed to mean to me?
That frustration, that powerlessness, that confusion you feel? That’s how your kids feel all the time. Whether they’re four or fourteen, that’s how they feel. Or more directly: That’s how you make them feel.
You’ve got them strapped in the car, subjected to your whim. You’ve got the power over the iPad or over whether they can go to their friend’s house. And you do a terrible job explaining what’s happening and why. When they argue or advocate for their interests, what do kids hear? They hear the parenting version of “it’s company policy”: with “Because I said so.”
Our kids are so often in the dark. They get conflicting explanations for mom and dad. They get arbitrary rule enforcement. They get only minimal communication as to the reasons for any of it…and so little empathy too.
Just as it’s annoying, frustrating, anxiety-inducing the way passengers are treated by the airlines or people by big business, it’s all this and more to a kid in the world. Good communication, basic respect, empathy—it goes such a long way. Give them a sense of what’s happening and why. Try to remember what it’s like to be them (you were a kid once too). Try to help them prepare (emotional vaccination as we’ve talked about). Don’t let your power go to your head. Respect them. Empathize.
