Unlike most Roman emperors, Marcus Aurelius actually loved his wife. They were married for 30 years and though there were rumors of infidelity, Marcus Aurelius never seems to have doubted Faustina, whom he’d been with since he was 17. Together they had 13 children and when she died, he was profoundly devastated and had her deified, building a statue of her outside the Temple of Venus and constructing another temple in her honor.

Marcus even wrote a testament to his love for his wife and their life together in a letter to his tutor Fronto. “I call the gods to witness,” he wrote, “that I would I were now living in exile with [Faustina] rather than without her on the Palatine.” Sure, the palaces were nice and so was power. He had an important job. But none of it was better than spending time with his lovely partner.

It’s a wonderful sentiment, but is it true? Marcus Aurelius spent years away from Rome, fighting wars, visiting the provinces. He spent time in Greece, as all students of philosophy considered a must. He had cases to adjudicate, dignitaries to receive, things to write. No doubt he spent a lot of time reading, a lot of time training, a lot of time committed to serving the people of Rome.

In short, he was like a lot of us who claim that our family comes first, that there’s no one more important to us…but then we promptly put so many other things before them. Sometimes that stuff is life or death or matters of making a living. Sometimes it’s not nearly so essential (although we tell ourselves it is).

The irony is that Marcus Aurelius never aspired to be the emperor. As we know from Meditations, he didn’t particularly like the job either. Yet it took over his life, consumed his calendar all the same. It’s a cautionary tale for all of us, a reminder—to play on Marcus Aurelius’s phrase—not just to talk about being a family man, but to actually be one.

And to do that, it means putting the time on our calendar, scheduling play time, and sticking to it. Because you may be able to deceive yourself, but at the end of the day, your calendar doesn’t lie.