Of course you didn’t agree to give up your social life. Of course you have to take care of yourself too. You deserve to have fun. You deserve to go places. It’s good for you to do these things.

But it only takes a quick skim of social media to see that some people are not struggling to balance their personal lives and being a parent, not even a little bit. They work a lot…and they have a lot of fun too. From all of those posts about their trips without kids, the dinners they go to, the parties they’re at, the wellness retreats they attend, the concerts they went to…they’re on the verge of embodying that damning line from Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car”: “See more of your friends than you do of your kids.”

Work, family, scene. Pick two—that’s Austin Kleon’s little rule. The math isn’t exactly as harsh as that, but it’s close. There are things you’re going to have to miss out on now. Even if your means can afford it, even if you’ve got a nanny or an understanding spouse, it doesn’t change the fact that when you brought those kids into the world, you made them a promise. You said that they would come first. You said that they would be the most important thing in the world to you.

Yet here you are booking plane tickets again. Here you are agreeing to stop by that get together after work. Here you are at another show. Here you are letting someone else put them down to bed again. And that’s terribly, terribly sad.

Sure, you deserve your fun and ‘me’ time. But never forget that your kids deserve you even more.